So when I made my life list eons ago I snuck on there something I thought would finally give me the va va voom I was missing. Pole dancing. See what I didn’t know then, but definitely know now, is that sexiness isn’t a dance move. It’s confidence in who you are and trust in your body to express how you are feeling. So if you’re feeling like a sex cat in heat, you’re body is going to radiate sexy like it’s holding a neon sign that says “this girl needs to man to worship her.”
I put these images in black because they feel like they should be. I mean when I think of sexy french burlesque I think of black and white and corsets. Sister child has a straight policy against underwear posts- that’s a really long and possibly really heated debate I shall spare you from today- so no corsets for you. However black and white filter? I got this.
Pole Dancing was surprisingly plus size friendly. I didn’t feel like I was exhausted after class and I feel I learned some new erm * cough cough* useful moves for my non-existent life partner to enjoy. I can now crawl like a sexy tiger, go down a fire man’s pole like I’m J LO pre-record deal, and have learned how to close out a routine like a fine as freak fantasy female and most importantly “collect my money.” You know with this booty, the money collection part would likely take forever. I was surprised that as I finished that the others in class could resist the urge to shower me generously with paper. Holler for a dollar.
I took my pole dancing class at Brass Ovaries, pretty much the best name for anything woman centered ever. Also their mascot is a unicorn: double score. And for the triple layup- they’re saying is “Glittter, Guts, Glory.” In short, I was meant to move my body like a snake in this studio. IT WAS DESTINY. SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.
2 months ago I was having some real chat with myself. I was down right disappointed that I’d let my fitness take a back seat. Erm well more like, I wasn’t even letting it get in the car. I let it out at a shady bus stop in nowheresville and drove as far as possible away. I didn’t know how to get restarted and the options seemed overwhelming. Get a trainer? Too expensive. Watch YouTube videos? Kind of awkward. Go to a class? That would require getting dressed and being the token out of shape overweight awkward girl in the back that everyone silently judges. I was in a rut. Just as I was debating investing my quality time into a pint of Ben and Jerry strawberry cheese cake ice cream, a picture of a yoga challenge for beginners popped up on my instagram feed.
Since it was Friday and I was having a low key night with my on and off again boyfriend, netflix, I figured why not give the first pose a try. I did my simple little downward dog, filtered the heck out of it (don’t lie we all do it) and sent that image out to the world. As comments poured in I learned 3 things:
- The yoga challenge community is amazingly supportive. I found strength and confidence in their positive reinforcement and love.
- I was stronger than I thought I was. I had mentally beat myself up and taught myself to think about all the things I couldn’t do. Even on day one I was already learning my body wasn’t the broken down hot mess I thought it was.
- It was easy. I could commit to a pose a day surely. That’s like 5 Minutes. I can spare 5 minutes (unless you’re a creepy dude, then I have no time to spare for you) .
As the challenge went on I began to see interesting changes. I began stretching to prep for new poses. I tried things I never thought possible. Like who would have thought chubby (but fabulous) old me would be doing a headstand? I certainly didn’t. I probably never would have found out I could if I hadn’t had something forcing me to give it a go. In the beginning a faced each day with the mentality “this probably going to be a hilariously comical massive failure,” However, as days went by that mentality shifted. Now I look at poses with the mindset, ” I can do this… if not now then the next time this pose comes around.” I’ve seen myself accomplish the impossible: splits, back bends and more- all because I had something pushing me to try. Plus I made amazing friends (@lexi.getting.flexi and @kachelle99 to name a few of my instagram loves).
July is nearly upon us and that means the start of some new and exciting challenges. Here are a few I have my eye on. You can click the image to get more details on how to participate. I hope that you’ll find one you love and give it ago. If you do, tag me (@glitterandlazers) and I will do my best to cheer you on. I want to have your back, just as the amazing yogis of instagram supported me back in May.
I associate summer vacation trips from my youth with long stretches of driving coupled with limited bathroom breaks. This explains my unusually high number of bladder issues as a child as well as my irrational fear of mini vans. This summer’s travels for me are both for work and for pleasure (wink wink), but who are we kidding here…everything I do has to have my tramp stamp of approval for fun and fabulous! With some jam packed weeks coming up jet setting all over the world, I put together my workout keys to success for traveling.
I hope the phrase “be prepared” brings to mind Scar singing to the hyenas in “The Lion King,” because that’s what I’m belting out to the people on the street from my balcony as I type away. You’re welcome people on the street. No, I will not do an encore performance. Ok, maybe just one.
In Greece, I packed work out clothes that transitioned well to casual attire, that way I could hike to the sites and still be dressed appropriately.
Plain and simple, being prepared means making sure you pack yo shit. This should include workout clothes as well as any additional things you may need to complete your workout (straps, blocks, etc.) If you have a ten day vacation, this does not necessitate ten days of outfits! Choose some key pieces and plan to wash (in a washer and dryer or hand wash in the hotel bathroom) to keep yourself smelling so fresh and so clean clean.
I also absolutely love using the “My Fitness Pal” app on my iPhone. By logging my meals, snacks and exercises it helps me keep my goals in mind as well as adjusting calorie allotments for the day based on my activity level. However be warned, MFP is community sourced and can over exaggerate calories burned exercising, so if you’re excessive like me, use a heart monitor to under how much you’re really burning. Most of the time, It ends up being more than than you think on vacation. Which means- MASSIVE MEAL SPLURGE TIME and um of course being “very careful” the rest of the day.
Plan for a Daily Workout
Obviously, if you don’t plan to workout it’s just not going to happen. If you have a meeting at 8 am, plan to get up at 6 am to get in an early morning workout. If mornings just don’t work for you, maybe evenings before you set out for a night on the town will work best. Regardless, create a plan and STICK TO IT.
In Belgium I combined fitness with boozy memories and brews by taking a walking tour of the best local pubs.
When you know where you’ll be staying, be sure to check out what the hotel has to offer in regards to accommodations. I’ve stayed in hotels that offer top of the line workout equipment as well as classes to keep you on track, conversely I’ve also stayed in complete dives that offered an early 90’s Nordic Track tucked away in a broom closet.
You can also build exercise into your daily schedule. Hopefully you’ll get your cardio through exploring a new city, swimming in some exotic location, or, in my case, drunkenly dancing on the bar into the wee hours of the morning looking as amazing as I know I do. So take the focus off the cardio if you’re meeting those goals and instead focus on your stretchy stretches and weights.
Glitter’s Real Hotel Workout Extraordinaire
In Miami I mixed business time with fitness time by figuring out how to work out in the pool while taking a conference call. Fitness McGyver
As an added bonus, I went ahead and put together my own personal hotel workout that I do when traveling and short on time. I do this in my hotel room as soon as I wake up so that I can start my day off right. I do the following circuit as many times as I can, but with a minimum of two full circuits. I also take a 1-2 minute break between each circuit. I purposely designed this routine so that you have to get up and get down a lot because that’s actually another exercise secret in itself.
- 15 jumping jacks (or as I call them, Jumpin’ Jack Flashes)
- 5 push-ups (does not matter if they are full push-ups or girly ones on your knees)
- 5 triceps pushups ( some people call these dips. Just like a push up but elbows in vs. out)
- 15-30 second superman (try to hold out for the longer time!)
- 10 round the world squats (5 each leg. Lunge forward, then to the side, then back)
- 15 sit ups
- 20 cross sit ups (10 each side)
- 30-60 second plank
- 30 high knees ( 15 each side)
- 30-60 second wall squat
Although vacations are a great opportunity to get away from your normal routine and explore and try new things, it’s still important to keep those healthy habits going. So pack some sexy glitter approved workout attire and get up and shake your groove thang before going off and conquering the day. Your hips will thank you later, because they surely do not lie!