Over the last 6 months I found myself dragged into the politics of blogging. I heard gossip, I repeated gossip and in the end no one was better for it. Before I get into some deep thoughts, here’s the outfit details. The dress and Jacket are from Fashion to Figure. They are worn with Maurice’s leggings, booties and a contemplative expression.

It’s so easy. You hear something- a tidbit, a thought, and opinion and next thing you know you’ve passed it on to someone else without even a second thought. It happens so organically it can be hard to realize you’ve even done it. But eventually the drama spreads and a small comment becomes something that might negatively affects someone’s life.

Over the past month I’ve reached out and apologized to people I’ve felt my gossiping might have hurt. It was overwhelming.  I did it because I didn’t like this bad habit and I felt I dramatically needed to correct it.  I did it because I was sorry. In most cases, it was much more meaningful to me than the person involved.  One person laughed at me, shocked I would apologize for such behavior. It was normal, after all.

I am realizing that gossip is a toxic destructive behavior we pass off as common and acceptable. Its ok to posture. It’s ok to assume. It’s ok to take everything you hear as absolute truth. But it’s not. Gossip is just a manifestation of jealousy, inadequacy, and denial wrapped up a socially acceptable package.

I look back to the incidents where I found my gossiping. Sometimes it was easier to talk about someone else than myself.  Sometimes I wanted what other people have. Sometimes even surrounded by people I felt lonely and just wanted to be included. Why didn’t I say these words. Why didn’t I let people react to me? Why did I hide behind the stories of others?

As I have begun to dissect why I gossip and what I am using it to deflect from, I have realized that I have never won by gossiping. I have only lost. Lost opportunities to really connect with people. Lost chances to be vulnerable. Lost chances to change my experience. I am painfully learning bad habits die hard- especially when they are ingrained into our everyday culture.  However, as I have learned many times in my life- the hardest things to do are often the most rewarding.  I’ll keep trying and as result keep growing in the process.